Pain is Beauty

Planet Earth and all the wonders of the universe are mesmerizing. Aesthetically amazing! The ability for a rose to break through concrete; the strength of the land to repair itself; and the boldness of the sun after a storm display the beauty that exists within the pain of destruction. Pain is dressed in beauty; and beauty is drenched in strength.

You are loved! Regardless of the circumstance or struggle you are still loved. Jesus loves you and so does the rest of humanity. At times, it seems like our fellow humans lack the emotion of loving others, but the fact of the matter is that every single individual is fighting a battle; emotionally, physically, or even spiritually. Nonetheless, it is still a battle. We attempt to isolate ourselves or mask our pain without realizing that we are all fraying alongside one another. Instead, we should embattle in unity. Overall keep in mind that ‘today you are drawing near for battle against your enemies: let not your heart faint. Do not fear or panic or be in dread of them,  for the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory.’ (Deuteronomy 20:3-4) Therefore, you are not alone! You stand with the armies of angels. God has already won war!

Remember, you are not alone in this world. Different languages may exist but we are united by the same composition.

Now allow me to tell you that the beauty that radiates derives from the

mayhems we overcome. That luminesce smile that you posses does not originate from perfection but from the triumphs in our lives. Your smile dresses you in beauty; for you are able to light up the world even when chaos surrounds you. We learn and grow during pains. Do not fear to speak out and tell your story. The girl sitting by you in the bus might be fighting the same struggle, the man who always seems grumpy might be trying to heal, and the kid who is restless might be screaming in silence.

Do not isolate yourself or push others away, instead give your pain a voice so that others may may know that they are not alone. Healing occurs when we treat the wounds not by hiding it.

There is beauty in your journey.

The Seed

************************ The sunrise reflected on your beautiful face

As you arose early morning before the birds sang

Oh, the inception was a memorable thing,

But the clock had already begun to race.

You realized you were not the same,

“Why am ill! I have never been a weakling.”

Oh, but God works in mysterious ways.

You were definitely in dismay

Waited so long for this day

That you even lost all hope

Thinking it was impossible, unattainable, simply a mere dream, an empty prayer

But God’s words are not spoken in vain.

The seed was implanted; attached I was by the living cord.

You told the world about me with no delay.

I heard the melody of your voice

Ooh, so sweet and beautiful full of joy!

Impatience grew for the day of nativity;  

The moment the seal of life would be torn.

Oh dear Mother, I thank you for keeping me warm,

And embracing me in your vitality.

Nine months later, you gave life to your newborn. ********************

Anxiety: How I Overcome It

Life can be like a dark cave; lonely, cold, and hopeless. A cave so spacious yet not enough oxygen for my lungs. Engulfed by fear until it suffocates every ounce of insanity. The feeling creeps into every living cell and turns your own being against you in battle. When you experience anxiety the whole world caves; it drowns you. I have suffered from anxiety since I was in intermediate school. Very few people knew especially since abnormalities of any sort are used for ridicule. The older I became, the more I learned how to control it. As a disclaimer, I am not a physician or professional therapist; therefore, the following are methods I have discovered to work for me.

Let go!

My toughest challenge has always been control. I must be in control at all times, which is not an ideal quality if you have anxiety. Slowly, I have let go of the reigns. Scheduling every aspect of my day or activities are no longer being practiced. I learned to accept failure as growth rather than a complete stop. And, being spontaneous is an essential part of my life now. Know that God is in control! I keep mentioning that I had plans from A to Z and every single one failed, not because I am inadequate but because those were not the roads for me. We all have a specific path to walk in order to fulfill a destiny and a purpose.Therefore, loosen up a bit and let go and learn to soar like the Eagle. Control what is in reach and fly with the wind on the rest.

Learn to smell life

The stench of death is penetrating to the soul; an unforgettable scent. Unfortunately, we tend to remember all the horrid instead of the beautiful. I had to learn to stop and smell life. You discover the sweet scent of the roses, the pines, the barbeques, the sea, the rain, and and the sweet aroma of life itself. Do not allow time to outtick you. Live in the moment. Live as the big hand, the one that sits and enjoys every second. Juggling school, family, church, relationships, kids (for those who have them), and yourself is and can be overwhelming. During any time of your routine, remember to stop, take a breath, and smell life.

Break a little sweat 

This one method is the most common but effective. Implementing daily workouts is important to maintain a healthy body. Gain control of your body; do not let it control you. When you suffer from anxiety, often times, your body attacks itself causing the inception of many illnesses. Taking a walk, going for a hike, or even a jog has helped maintain low stress levels. Stress will always be part of life but we must learn to manage. I am not a professional trainer or even really good at working out, but it is part of my daily routine. At least, I try.

Tell your story

Conversation is an art. My favorite kind of art to be honest. The immature Sahara would think that telling someone about my feelings was impossible because surely they would not understand, but I was wrong. Now at the age of twenty-three, I have realized that sharing your story has more power than burying it with silence. When you share your journey you heal yourself and the one listening. Words bandage our heart. We are not alone in our pains and struggles. The person sitting next to you, the one walking by your side, the one you bump into at the grocery store, or even the one you have known since childhood shares some of the very same difficulties or struggles you have or currently experience. Speak up and tell your story; for it has power!

A dose of Jesus

And most importantly, having the love and compassion and mercy of Jesus in your life makes all the difference. Pray wholeheartedly, read the bible daily, worship with all your strength, and fellowship with your brothers and sisters in Christ. God will take care of all that is in your heart. He can heal your soul. There is power in the name of Jesus. Take care of your spirit and be watchful of what you allow in your heart.

In this past year, I have committed to all of these methods and I have been better than ever! Before I used to have panic and anxiety attacks every week, and now, I have had one in the past year. Hallelujah!

We worry so much about being trapped in a cave that we forget to follow the light; we forget that there is a way out.

I got out and so can you!

So, what is your story?

Can You Survive?

Are you able to survive a zombie apocalypse? Would you run? Would you fight? Would you hide? Would you just give up and become one of them?

Hmmmm…….

Little do you know that majority of us are zombies. Obviously not the kind that eat brains for survival, but the kind that have sacrificed brains for the prosperity of the future. You see, college literally drains your living soul. Do not get me wrong, it is the best season of life, but it is also the worst.

No one warns you about the monster you encounter in college. The aesthetic view of college is deceiving; the fun, all the free time, true independence and freedom, along with almost guaranteed success. Wooahh! I was ready! High school was a breeze for me, and I was positive I could handle anything and everything; I have a gamma brain.

Ooohhh, but I was in it for a rude awakening!

The first lesson I learned was that life happens and it happens at any time. Because I knew failure was a possibility, I prepared an A through Z life plan. I ensured that I would make it to the top regardless of any obstacle. Houston Baptist University accepted little ole me; I was even part of the Honors College which is awesome by the way. A new thrilling and nerve-wracking experience, I could not wait for it to unravel. Well, during the same time my family went through a midlife crisis. My father had a meltdown and was unable to handle the stress, as a consequence, he left with the excuse that he did not ask for all this. At the time, I was only eighteen, full of hope and dreams, until I realized that as the oldest sibling I was now responsible for the family. The stress, the anxiety, and the burdens crept in quite chaotically all at once. I worked three jobs to sustain our needs and my tuition. It was not easy especially since my overachieving ego challenged my intellect with seventeen credit hours and three jobs. How did I manage?? By crying a lot. I cried an ocean. Adulthood rushed in like a tsunami.

I must admit that the friends I gained were the greatest support. They were spiritually prescribed by God. Just like I did, you will realize that college is better lived in a group than in solitude. Life will happen all at once, but it happens to us all, not just you. On the very first day, I met my good friend Natalie. We literally clicked and became friends, inseparable really. Later on, I met Madison (the sweetest girl ever), Erica (the funniest person you can ever meet), Kristen ( so smart and unique), Kate ( a talented genius), Alanna (an artist at heart and witty), Carlos ( always positive and fashionable), amongst so many others. Even though we do not keep in communication on the daily, we still look out for one another. You will discover that the differences and “flaws” that exist in each one of us is what creates the most beautiful piece of art. You will also realize that everyone has a story. Everyone has a struggle. Everyone has a talent. Everyone has good and bad days. Everyone fails at times, but they get back up and continue in battle. The amazing part is that I was not alone. I had them.

College is not a breeze. It will require a lot of hours. You will be sleep deprived, might even sleepwalk. Do not be surprised when you do not seem yourself. If you stay on campus, then enjoy everything it has to offer. If you are like me, a commuter, make sure you make time to socialize and partake in college activities. You will not regret it! Manage your time wisely and accept advice from others. Congratulations in advance if you graduate within the four years. If you do not, it is okay. You have time to complete it. Personally, I was unable to finish within athe four years due to finances and life happening, but I am in the processes of completing my degree; less than two years left. Regardless of the situation, it is never too late and you are never too old to make your dreams come true.

Lastly, keep God as the center of your life. I mentioned I had a plan from A to Z, well they all failed! Seriously. I will tell you later about that story. Jeremiah 29:11 states that God will not harm you but prosper you and give you hope and a good life. We must listen to His instruction.

I do not regret anything. I appreciate the hardship because I grew as a warrior in this life. The journey I have been on has brought me to the place I ought to be; a place of peace, happiness, prosperity, and love. My family is reunited and I met my significant other and everything is falling in place. I thank Jesus every day for all I have experienced!

No one ever tells you! But you will become a zombie just like us all! Your brain is fried and wired to live off no sleep and barely enough food.

Can you survive the journey?

Good Luck!!!

Remember, the world is in your hands.

We Reflect One Another

Who are you? Who am I? Have you ever stared at the mirror and asked yourself such questions? I have, many times. It is a very liberating part of life when you accept and realize your true self. And, the beauty of it all is that every single person that has crossed your path has contributed to who you are.

Of course, our parents are the main contributors to our composition and many of our mannerisms for the majority of us. Therefore, I will not mention much about them besides that they have definitely taught me how to endure and overcome any obstacle that may come my way. It is kind of their obligation, right.

On the other hand, I have friends, educators, even strangers who have influenced my life in a very significant way. It is important to value those who cross your destiny because you never know when you might need them or who might be watching you.

Loyal regardless of distance

I must say that my best friend has been in my life for more than ten years now. Even though I moved away, the loyalty remained. I was able to be true and honest and knew my secrets were well kept. Especially, since my best friends forgets everything I say. We have grown into adults with separate lives, but I might say that I can always count on Chris to be on my side. I learned how to be loyal even if I am not around. I learned how to value those I have even if they are not around. Our childhood, I must say was one full of laughs and silly jokes. We swore we would never be like our teachers, and the irony of life is that we became them.

The torch has been passed on

The educators in my life have definitely made a permanent impact in many aspects of who I am. I could tell you about every single teacher I have had since Pre-K; how could I possibly forget those who have guided me through this journey. I will not mention them all but just a few. Mrs. Graham was my third grade teacher, and she made learning fun. Literally! She taught us the important things while having fun; she used to do cartwheels with us and sing along during show-and-tell. And, now I incorporate the same method when I teach my kids. My fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Barton was very caring when it came to all her students. So much so, that when my mother became ill, she said she would adopt me! I learned to always care and listen to those around me. Now, my seventh and eighth grade teacher, Mrs. Hundl had her hands full with my rebellious soul. I thought I was cool and was going through a lot of stress, so I did not always listen. On the very first exam, I was the only one to score perfectly, and I did not do so after that. I was too cool to learn math. However, she never gave up one me.  She knew I had a brain which I was not using at its full potential; even dared to tell me that I was going to be like her when I grew up. And, like 8 years later, I have become like her. I even have a pencil pouch. I learned to not be ashamed of who I am, even if I am a little nerdy. Mrs. Hundl is one of the coolest individuals I know; she knows algebra without using a calculator. So many would kill for that talent. In high school, I had many great teachers and have learned something from each one of them but due to space I will only mention a couple. Mrs. Ruben is one, if not, the greatest minds I have encountered. She taught me to be confident in my writing and the essence of who I am. Writing has always been something personal to me, and as a result, I do not always share it especially since not many understand the depth of my thoughts. However, she was the example of excellence. I learned to embrace my abilities even if others are unable to comprehend. God made me a certain way in order to fulfill the path He has laid out specifically for me. And, Mrs. Giron was dressed in strength and brains. She was not one of my teacher but she was one of my guides. I learned how to manage all the areas of my life by her example. She was relentless in all her pursuits, unapologetic about her intellect or her essence, and overall, very humble and full of faith. It encouraged me to be comfortable and confident in who I am as a person. Because of my educators, I am able to continue in battle even if I lose my sword. I have been giving resources and the strength to keep going. And now, the torch has been passed on to me.

I watched, now I am being watched

Lastly, I would like to mention my God-sisters. Even though I was a little girl and did not spend a lot of time with them all, I did watch them. The passion I have when it comes to Jesus, was implanted by the passion I saw in my God-sisters. I had the greatest examples of love and faith. The way they worshipped the Lord with their singing, their joy, their faith, and their kindness was encouraging and has stayed with me until this very day. I had the honor to be witness to Eunise’s wedding and she sheltered my family from one of the hurricanes years ago. Angie made it to my graduation before my parents even got there. And, Toni! I have shared a lot with that girl. We have had some crazy conversations and have laughed our butts off. We still need to perform the song we had been practicing. Little do they know the impact they had in my life.

These are just a few people who have influenced who I am today. God’s plan is perfect. Every single person who has crossed my path has made a difference in me. Trust and know that God has already made a way for you. We are part of the people we encounter, just like Jesus is part of who we are.

Now tell me, who are you?